Sunday, April 6, 2008

The so-called "amicable" breakup

There is no such thing! In a break up someone has to end up hurt, resentful or angry.. No matter how u break the news.. And how well educated, understanding, open minded the people are prior to the break up.. it all seems to fall apart when u sense it coming, rejection is probably the hardest thing to swallow.

People break up for various reasons; for other people, out of boredom, wanting different things at different times, compatibility issues.. Etc.. But it all boils down to a winner and a loser. One person walks out willing to start fresh, the other is left feeling used and definitely not "amicable".

However, and some might not agree, to limit damages (if u have the time, and -like me- have a big heart), there are ways to make a horrible situation less so.

1. Drop hints: let them sense it coming, by knowing they would then start to have a back up plan to help them get over it (subconsciously).

2. Talk: communicate, as sad or hard the truth might be, sometimes the medium is the message. Make sure ur tone is serious, mention the pros of the relationship before dissing it, and put urself in the other person's shoes.. Try to soften the blow with the right words: use "I am not getting what I need out of this" instead of " ur a retard who doesn't know what a girl wants" for example :p

3. Blame it on the situation, not the person: no matter how "bad" a person might seem to you, u need to think of him/her in context of what's going on in their lives.. Try not to throw the blame on a personality trait, cuz that would generally rev up hatred and other ugly feelings.

4. Do it over time: the break up "point" has to be set, and done once and for all, but to make it easier (on both of u) turn it into a process of slowly moving out of each others lives, and when the day comes; a major bleeder could be avoided.

5. Offer some form of contact post break-up: not phone calls, not texts.. Maybe emails.. This would make them feel better in that there is a tiny flicker of hope, which they need in order to bargain the break up with themselves, and finally accept it in due time.


- to healthy relationships xx
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

27 comments:

Baroque said...

okay shrink, "what habbin?"

u not the FB i have been reading (**as in i know, but since its a blog i read u, not know u)..

SNAP OUT OF IT..

Hope you okay xx

Big Pearls said...

I hate break ups!

Fastidious Babe said...

baroque! looool WELL "FB" has alotta complex phases of venting.. this post was generally a result of a heated argument, and me thinking of how to make a horrible break-up somewhat better XD so YES i do analyze.. and i do tend to blab when it comes to generating theories.. it says so in my profile.. its all part of the territory.. oops there i go again xD


big pearls: don't! what doesn't kill u ALWAYS makes u stronger.. trust me on this one!

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