"I just can't do it" she kept repeating, she went on and on about it; "There's something stopping me from going ahead, and I don't know what it is, but I cannot over come it"
I looked at her, momentarily at a loss, trying to match the words with the gorgeous juvenile face it came out off.
" I can't sleep, its too hard to think or do anything, I have no appetite.. Doctor, its too strong, there is nothing you can do to make it go away"
Usually, dealing with adults who are cynical, hopeless, depressed, or suicidal (in some cases).. Is hard.. But when such strong feelings come from a child, it gets to you.. And its by far, harder.
How is it that a 13 year old can tell u (with no doubt) that there is nothing u can do, or say, no medicine you could prescribe to make her better.
And no, it wasn't a tantrum, or a teenager being stubborn, it was out of complete loss of hope.
I looked at her charts, she was on all the right meds.
I started explaining her condition again, trying to stick with the facts, steering away from emotions.
Sometimes, I tend to do that.
It wasn't the eerie calm tone, but the strength behind the weakness that got to me.
It was uncanny.
I'm not sure I dealt with it as I would have wanted to, but its the best I could muster given the situation.
I do hope something, or someone will give that girl whatever she needs to regain trust, and hope in life.
- to children being children.
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